he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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