brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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