Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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