I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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