i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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