i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize