Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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