I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize