Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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