PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize