I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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