i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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