there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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