all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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