if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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