If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize