You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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