Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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