You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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