remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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