His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize