Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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