Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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