Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize