so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
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She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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