There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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