Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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