Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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