Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
