Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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