alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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