we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
