Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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