You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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