woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You ruined the universe
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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