I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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