I wish I only lived at night.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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