How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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