May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize