I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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