I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize