I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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