i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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