Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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