the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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