Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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