oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize