One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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