I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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