Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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