Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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